I'm in the throws of becoming more of a woman...as a man. ('Throws,' as in to fling oneself precipitately...to bring about abruptly.) The molecular balance of my body is undergoing...change: drip by drip.

As I lay in bed with the shakes and shivers of being too cold, while wrapped in a wet sweat of hot flashes, I was pulled from sleep with the discordant roar of a midnight train entering a sleepy desert town-shaking the ground and the consciousness of those who were not accustomed to such intrusion. The only way I was able to still the commotion was through the comforting weight of Dagma's loving arm pulling me close to her, and my attempts at conscious breathing...until finally, I mercifully left the bed to let her return to sleep. Believe it or not, one of the only places I can find refuge from chills and severe hot flashes is in the hot tub. Go figure!

I am, again, being treated for cancer that has returned. And in the process my body and mind are experiencing a most un-civil war. "I Am Woman, hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore...." But it's the hormones I've been shot with.

In 2010, I was diagnosed with forth-stage prostate cancer. After choosing not to die from this, I sought medical advice for the best treatment and was given several options. I chose a program of massive radiation over a program to lower my testosterone level because I unreasonably professed allegiance to my testosterone level...that which I thought essential to my assertiveness, creativity...and my identity. In time, after weeks of radiation treatment in San Francisco, all signs of my prostate cancer disappeared...until several months ago in 2020...and it was spreading.

Consequently, I embraced hormonal therapy. At the time of choosing this therapy and being advised that some of the side effects might include periods of depression and breast enlargement, I said to Dagma, "I've always been curious about what it feels like to be a woman." Now, I'm not feeling quite as humorous as when I said this. Along with the complexity of other medical challenges, everything feels topsy-turvy: pain-management, balance, mobility, hyper-sensitive nerves, mood-swings, ability to focus or multi-task, my productivity at work and play...all of which made less debilitating with my daily use of cannabis infused gummies...and lots of loving from Dagma.

However, in August of 2021, I got a 'good news' report that the hormonal cancer treatment appears to be working. The cancer is in remission-again.

All in all, I remain a most fortunate man.